Q: I have a friend who is trying to straighten their life out. Not to pat myself on the back too hard, I feel I have done more than is realistically expected to help them. I recently found myself clinging to the end of that rope and I will try to make a long story short.
The Sunday before I wrote this letter I called my friend about returning something they had borrowed because I would need it the next day. I knew they no longer needed it because they recently got one of their own. It was a little after noon when I talked to my friend and what we originally had planned worked out great for me because it fell right in line with plans I had for the day. As I said, making a long story short, 9 and half hours later my friend comes to my door with completely different plans that, had I known this would happen, didn't require me to wait at home all day for them.
The main reason my friend is in the position they are in is lack of responsibility. I don't know why they think anyone is going to give them the chance they say they want if they haven't shown they are going to take responsibility. But I guess my question is: Should I even bother myself with it? My friend has other friends, most of which I don't know very well, and I always hear stories about how they take advantage of my friend or try to "screw them over". Yet here I am doing more than should be expected and it sometimes seems like the friendship is a one way street. I think last Sunday may have been somewhat of an epiphany for me and I guess I just need to bounce it off someone. I know not all the facts are here, but am I just overreacting or is this a friendship in name only?
Thanks,
Wasted Sunday
A: At some point in time, our friendships are put into question, for whatever reason it might be. This is due to the ever-changing nature of our lives. For every up and down life gives, relationships take a hit, good or bad. That’s what makes friendships so tricky. Not only does each individual’s criteria for a friend differ greatly, but so do the “rules” that govern such a relationship. Throughout life, interests can change, people move or grow apart, or opinions can cross; but there can always be found one common ground every friend agrees upon….respect. Without a certain amount of respect, there really isn’t much of a friendship.
When someone is coping with life’s curveballs, friends can be a tremendous outlet of support. Helping them deal by lending a shoulder or ear, offering financial help in times of crisis, or just even sitting quietly with them so they are not alone are all ways each of us have given when needed. How far one takes the aid is entirely a personal choice, but one can only help so much before questions arise to the nature in which it is being taken, especially if there seems to be no interest in the person improving their situation.
The feelings you are having are totally normal, and probably happen more times than most people want to admit. Your friend’s actions do not necessarily express a lack of feelings, but it does sound like their priorities have been knocked out of line. Whatever they are going through most likely has changed their view on certain aspects of life. This is not always a good thing, but it is an issue only they can remedy.
If there are things that bother you about the relationship, the best way to find a solution is to talk it through. This is especially important if one feels the friendship is worth holding on to. It might be a difficult task and harsh words could be a possibility, but knowing where you both stand could be enlightening in regards to what path you choose to take. Letting them in on how you feel will also help alleviate some of the anxiety felt over the situation.
Giving up on a friend is never an option that should be taken lightly, but it is an action that is totally personal. Just as your friend is the only one that can better their situation, you are the only one that can decide if the friend is worth the time and effort, regardless if anything is given in return.
I wish you the best of luck in this very hard endeavor and hope I have helped in some way.
~Katie
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Monday, June 9, 2008
Q: I am pregnant…where do I go for help?
~Scared and Confused, TX
A: Usually when a question of this manner is sent in, it is coming from a young woman that is either worried about the response she will receive after telling family and friends or is already in a position that has left them lacking in information or support. The following response is geared toward this type of audience, but if this is not the case, information can be taken away from it by others in different circumstances. My opinion is that everyone can learn something new no matter the situation they are in.
First and foremost, you must see if everything is going as it should be with the pregnancy. There are several options open to you at this point, but getting checked-out will help narrow down the choices. There are a few places that offer free and confidential screenings to pregnant woman or can give you the information needed to find such locales. I have listed a couple of these below. The people there can also give you information concerning the options women have now-a-days.
Support from family and friends, or the lack thereof, will also narrow down the options you have available. Not knowing the specifics of the situation, I can only advise in a general manner; therefore, whatever you choose to do should be thought out thoroughly with regard given to everyone involved. This means that if the father is around, he should be told of the situation and at least be given the choice to have a say so in the end result or play a part in the baby’s life. If this is not the circumstance, than there are still grandparents that could be brought into the mix. While it might seem a very tough position to stand in, telling your parents is the best course of action. Whether they stand by you or not, at least you know you did the right thing and tried. Friends can also be a good means of support because no matter the decision you make, emotional backing is something every pregnant woman needs. Just being there to listen to enthusiasm, complaints, or worries…..someone lending an ear will help tremendously. Friends are somewhat of a knowledge network when it comes to experience as well. One of your friends could possibly know others that have been through something similar.
If for some reason relying on support from friends is not an option either, people at the given locations below can help when it comes to listening to concerns and problems. Remember, they have seen their fair share of troubles in this area, so don’t worry. This is what they are there for.
Despite whatever support system you have or don’t have, what happens from here on out is your choice. While raising a child alone is not the best of circumstances, it is not impossible. It will, however, take determination and perseverance. You will be responsible for a life...in other words….YOUR life is about to change dramatically. Don’t let that scare you too much though. Many women before you have done it and survived. There are several agencies out there that can be utilized and are there to help those going it alone or are short on resources. The Texas Health and Human Services agency offers the means to help pay for medical expenses and transportation for qualifying individuals. The WIC program can aid in things like food and generalized baby check-ups.
If keeping the baby is not a possibility, there are other alternatives. Adoption, while hard to handle, can be the best course of action sometimes. There are many different kinds of adoption, such as open adoption, and several places that can help you make the right decision for you and your baby. The organizations listed below can help with this information. Another alternative is abortion. I only mention this because legally it is still an option. Abortion always comes with health and emotional risks, and should never be taken into lightly.
With all this said….there is only one thing that matters….it is the best advice I can give (and the best advice I received once upon a time)…….YOU are the only person that knows what YOU are really capable of. This is your decision and yours alone. Make it count. Take everything into consideration, and do not base it on just fear. That will only lead to a hasty decision that could possibly be regretted later in life.
~Ms. Katie
http://www.thehelpline.org/ or call 1-866-942-6466
http://www.pregnancycenters.org/ or call 1-800-395-HELP
~Scared and Confused, TX
A: Usually when a question of this manner is sent in, it is coming from a young woman that is either worried about the response she will receive after telling family and friends or is already in a position that has left them lacking in information or support. The following response is geared toward this type of audience, but if this is not the case, information can be taken away from it by others in different circumstances. My opinion is that everyone can learn something new no matter the situation they are in.
First and foremost, you must see if everything is going as it should be with the pregnancy. There are several options open to you at this point, but getting checked-out will help narrow down the choices. There are a few places that offer free and confidential screenings to pregnant woman or can give you the information needed to find such locales. I have listed a couple of these below. The people there can also give you information concerning the options women have now-a-days.
Support from family and friends, or the lack thereof, will also narrow down the options you have available. Not knowing the specifics of the situation, I can only advise in a general manner; therefore, whatever you choose to do should be thought out thoroughly with regard given to everyone involved. This means that if the father is around, he should be told of the situation and at least be given the choice to have a say so in the end result or play a part in the baby’s life. If this is not the circumstance, than there are still grandparents that could be brought into the mix. While it might seem a very tough position to stand in, telling your parents is the best course of action. Whether they stand by you or not, at least you know you did the right thing and tried. Friends can also be a good means of support because no matter the decision you make, emotional backing is something every pregnant woman needs. Just being there to listen to enthusiasm, complaints, or worries…..someone lending an ear will help tremendously. Friends are somewhat of a knowledge network when it comes to experience as well. One of your friends could possibly know others that have been through something similar.
If for some reason relying on support from friends is not an option either, people at the given locations below can help when it comes to listening to concerns and problems. Remember, they have seen their fair share of troubles in this area, so don’t worry. This is what they are there for.
Despite whatever support system you have or don’t have, what happens from here on out is your choice. While raising a child alone is not the best of circumstances, it is not impossible. It will, however, take determination and perseverance. You will be responsible for a life...in other words….YOUR life is about to change dramatically. Don’t let that scare you too much though. Many women before you have done it and survived. There are several agencies out there that can be utilized and are there to help those going it alone or are short on resources. The Texas Health and Human Services agency offers the means to help pay for medical expenses and transportation for qualifying individuals. The WIC program can aid in things like food and generalized baby check-ups.
If keeping the baby is not a possibility, there are other alternatives. Adoption, while hard to handle, can be the best course of action sometimes. There are many different kinds of adoption, such as open adoption, and several places that can help you make the right decision for you and your baby. The organizations listed below can help with this information. Another alternative is abortion. I only mention this because legally it is still an option. Abortion always comes with health and emotional risks, and should never be taken into lightly.
With all this said….there is only one thing that matters….it is the best advice I can give (and the best advice I received once upon a time)…….YOU are the only person that knows what YOU are really capable of. This is your decision and yours alone. Make it count. Take everything into consideration, and do not base it on just fear. That will only lead to a hasty decision that could possibly be regretted later in life.
~Ms. Katie
http://www.thehelpline.org/ or call 1-866-942-6466
http://www.pregnancycenters.org/ or call 1-800-395-HELP
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